Ponedjeljak, 26 Septembra, 2022
HomeHumorVengeful José Andrés Seals Screaming Russian Troopers Into Monumental Empanada

Vengeful José Andrés Seals Screaming Russian Troopers Into Monumental Empanada


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KHARKIV, UKRAINE—Exacting swift and cruel retribution for the missile strike on his World Central Kitchen outpost, superstar chef José Andrés was reportedly noticed Tuesday enclosing a number of terrified Russian troopers inside the pastry case of an unlimited empanada. “Offering meals to displaced civilians throughout wartime is a crucial humanitarian enterprise, and now you charity-bombing ratas are going to assist me feed refugees whether or not you prefer it or not!” mentioned the frenzied restaurateur, who cackled as he forcefully shoved handfuls of diced onions and potatoes into the lads’s wailing mouths, coldly ignoring their muffled exhortations for forgiveness as they struggled in useless in opposition to the sprigs of fragrant parsley binding their wrists and ankles. “What’s improper? Thought you may destroy my kitchen with out changing into a piquant trendy twist on a traditional Spanish recipe? Cowards. Cry that tablespoon of smoked paprika and half cup of pitted inexperienced olives out of your eyes and have a look at me. Take a look at me! I need my face to be the very last thing you see earlier than I crimp that dough shut in a satisfying scalloped sample and ship you to hell in a 425 diploma oven for half-hour or till golden-brown.” At press time, Andrés was seen manically plunging a big kitchen knife via the pastry’s high to make sure the Russian troopers’ screams vented correctly.



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