With a gaggle of Republicans holding out towards the candidacy of Rep. Kevin McCarthy, the election of a brand new Home speaker has hit a stalemate, and the Home can not start enterprise till a speaker is chosen. The Onion takes a step-by-step take a look at how the speaker of the Home is elected.
STEP 1: All People finest suited to place eradicated nicely earlier than precise elections.
STEP 2: Every celebration meets in backroom to vote on which backroom to carry speaker nomination in.
STEP 3: Home clerk performs a quorum name, a posh set of tones and whistles {that a} feminine quorum finds irresistible.
STEP 4: DNA testing to find out who's most genetically much like George Washington.
STEP 5: Spherical-robin ping-pong event.
STEP 6: Racist lunatic weighs in.
STEP 7: If no candidate wins on first poll, the bulk celebration candidate’s opponents are reminded that they’re all on this to destroy the nation collectively.
STEP 8: If a candidate doesn’t win on the primary six ballots—nicely, solely a complete loser would proceed asking for the job after shedding six ballots in a row. Critically, six ballots? How fucking pathetic would that particular person must be? Actually, this is able to be a nationwide humiliation of epic proportions—so embarrassing, in reality, that it's a must to assume there’s no likelihood it can ever truly occur.
STEP 9: New speaker spends sterling profession main unanimous approvals for greater navy budgets.
