Utorak, 7 Februara, 2023
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Congress’ Agenda For The Subsequent Two Years

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The 2022 midterms noticed Republicans achieve management of the Home and the Democrats add one seat to their slim Senate majority, giving rise to concern {that a} divided Congress shall be unable to handle the nation’s most urgent points. The Onion seems to be on the 118th Congress’ high agenda objects for the following two years.

  • Amass over 500 hours of footage of FBI and DOJ officers saying they will’t touch upon ongoing investigations
  • Get rid of Congress’ weekly drag story hour
  • Enhance congressing by 25%
  • Exhume and examine the physique of Beau Biden
  • Give congressional interns the occasional goosing
  • Attempt catering from that new sandwich place
  • Examine Instagram for permitting conservatives to submit unflattering images of themselves
  • Fund nationwide highway elimination to stop abortion-seekers from leaving states the place it’s banned
  • Finish Social Safety so American seniors can be taught worth of arduous day’s work
  • Proceed making consultant democracy seem like full dogshit

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