WASHINGTON—Flirtatiously winking and calling the assembled reporters a bunch of “foolish gooses,” the U.S. authorities coyly denied in a press convention Tuesday that it was concerned with something naughty. “Who, us? We'd by no means, ever! The American authorities is means too candy and harmless to go round enjoying soiled tips like that,” mentioned a blushing Secretary of State Antony Blinken, talking in a child voice and pursing his lips as he stood alongside Protection Secretary Lloyd Austin, Nationwide Intelligence Director Avril Haines, and different Cupboard-level officers, all of whom reportedly giggled and blushed like schoolgirls. “Why, we wouldn’t know the very first thing about learn how to negotiate a $3 billion arms take care of the Saudis, permitting them to proceed killing a whole lot of 1000's of Yemenis in what often is the worst humanitarian disaster of our lifetimes! We’re unhealthy? No, you’re unhealthy. And large and powerful, too, aren’t you? Sure, sure, you might be!” At press time, Blinken couldn't be reached for remark after he began to cry, left the stage, and informed reporters that any likelihood they thought that they had with the U.S. authorities was formally over.