NEW YORK—Within the wake of current strikes to scale back the scale of its library so as to save on residual funds, streaming service HBO Max introduced Thursday it will transfer ahead with a plan to destroy all proof that The Sopranos ever existed. “As soon as we now have completed burning the 35-millimeter movie on which the collection was shot and deleting all digitized footage, we are going to start confiscating hundreds of thousands of DVD field units, which is able to then be steamrolled into tiny items and dumped into the Hudson River,” stated CEO Casey Bloys, who defined that HBO would start implementing a singular noncompete clause in forged members’ contracts that might prohibit Edie Falco, Michael Imperioli, Lorraine Bracco, and different Sopranos stars from ever once more taking an performing function and inadvertently reminding viewers of the present’s existence. “We now have already bulldozed the buildings used for exterior photographs of Tony Soprano’s residence and Satriale’s Pork Retailer, and can quickly proceed with demolitions of the Lincoln Tunnel and the whole lot of the New Jersey Turnpike.” Bloys confirmed that HBO had additionally directed its basic counsel to ship stop and desist letters to each Italian restaurant on this planet that has baked ziti on the menu.
