MANASSAS, VA—Claiming that the present was merely a gesture of kindness fairly than an ethics violation, Supreme Courtroom Justice Clarence Thomas acknowledged Friday that there was nothing fallacious with a rich donor renting out a whole D.C.-area water park only for him. “One buddy is allowed to deal with one other buddy to a pleasant, stress-free day of moist and wild enjoyable within the solar, aren’t they?” mentioned Thomas from the center of a comfy tube floating down SplashDown’s lazy river, explaining how a lot simpler it was to take pleasure in all 13 acres of northern Virginia’s largest water park when there have been no traces or different individuals sharing the points of interest. “Harlan Crow and I am going again a few years, so there’s nothing uncommon or nefarious about him paying $600,000 for them to open up earlier than their season has even began and attend to my each whim to ensure I've a complete blast. Present me within the bylaws the place I’m violating a situation of my employment by using the Tropical Tornado as many instances as I would like with no wait. Plus, Neil and Sonya are going to be so jealous once I return to work with a strong tan and a stomach filled with free ice cream.” At press time, Crow had reportedly tipped a teenaged pool attendant $1,500 to hold Thomas up the picket stairs at Pipeline Tower so he may go for one more experience.