TALLAHASSEE, FL—Trying his formal announcement once more in an effort to compensate for final evening’s glitch-ridden debacle on Twitter, Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis reportedly relaunched his presidential marketing campaign Thursday from inside a burning Tesla. “America deserves a president who received’t cave to wokeness and can as a substitute embrace the values of our founding fathers,” stated DeSantis, who, sitting within the entrance seat of a Tesla Roadster because it full of smoke and the doorways robotically locked, seemed on helplessly when the hood erupted in flames, the self-driving operate engaged, and the fiery car tore by way of the streets, working over quite a few pedestrians. “We should rein within the administrative state, and President…President Biden isn’t… Shit, shit, shit. Um, we'd like—oh God!—we have to shut down the border, and…we, ugh, I need assistance! Please, name 9/11! I can’t management this factor!” At press time, first responders had reportedly rescued DeSantis by pulling him out by way of one of many Tesla home windows, its bulletproof glass having shattered instantly after an officer fired a single shot at it.
