MINONG, WI—Saying the product was just for these really critical about feeding their wild facet, beef snack purveyor Jack Hyperlink’s introduced Friday it had begun promoting a brand new, extra-tough barbed jerky, reportedly its most indigestible processed meat providing so far. “Loaded with meat spikes, our newest jerky is now out there to anybody who’s able to sink their tooth right into a 9-inch size of dry, exhausting, twisted beef,” mentioned Jack Hyperlink’s spokesperson David Helem, noting that the sharp-edged jerky was assured to kill anybody with a weak digestive tract. “Nut up, chomp down, and brace your self for inside bleeding. What’s extra, our extra-tough barbed jerky hurts as a lot popping out because it does getting into. In any case, why would you trouble with a snack that doesn’t depart your asshole coated in blood?” The product launch additionally marked the introduction of a brand new slogan for Jack Hyperlink’s Sasquatch mascot, who will now be featured in adverts saying “Don’t attempt to induce vomiting.”
