QUEENS, NY—Rising from the darkness in a dramatic act of menace, New York Mayor Eric Adams was reportedly already sitting in a turnstile jumper’s condo Friday when she entered her front room and turned on the sunshine. “Ah, sure, I’ve been ready for you, Stephanie. My apologies, did I make you leap?” stated Adams, who ominously pulled out a MetroCard to make use of as a prop throughout a monologue about crime and punishment. “You fare evaders, you all assume you’re so intelligent, however I’ve had my eyes on you ever for the reason that 111th Avenue J station. Did you assume I'd overlook? I hope you had a pleasant trip, as a result of I’ve already taken the freedom of accumulating the $2.90 fare from round your condo. However in fact, that isn't all I’ll be taking from you. Now let’s see in the event you can leap this.” At press time, sources confirmed Eric Adams was pointing a gun on the turnstile jumper.