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Biologists Torture Amoeba For Info On The place Life Got here From


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CAMBRIDGE, MA—Following orders to acquire very important scientific information via any means mandatory, a group of biologists at Harvard College tortured an amoeba in an try and extract data on the place life got here from, sources confirmed Tuesday. “You fuckers have been on this planet for 750 million years, and also you need me to consider there’s nothing in that little nucleus of yours about how life originated?” mentioned lead researcher and microbiologist Hammond Paulisack, who operated the lab through which the amoeba was positioned in stress positions by chaining its pseudopods behind its cell membrane and was force-fed with a micropipette that pumped algae down its meals vacuole. “Was it an asteroid? Huh? Or was it God? Look, buddy, we will do that the simple manner or we will do it by plasma-boarding. Your alternative.” After refusing to say life was something greater than the byproduct of a chemical accident that produced self-replicating proteins, the amoeba was reportedly locked alone in a darkened petri dish with the identical Marilyn Manson tune taking part in on repeat.

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